Lately I feel like on the other side of every success, big or small, is another wall I run into.
big and mean and scary and they jump out of NOWHERE and just stop me dead in my
Or at least I FEEL like they do.
And then there I am
again: mopiness, mild to moderate depression, sucksville.
I do not like
spending time in sucksville.
I go so quickly from wanting to call in
fantastic to feeling sorry for myself. Working out because it's good for me
instead of because it's fun. Eating the right foods with lackluster enthusiasm.
So seriously... why am I even whining about it?
I mean, did you READ
what I just wrote.
I continue to exercise.
I continue to eat well.
I continue to drink my water and get more sleep and tell myself tomorrow's
mood will be better.
And it usually IS better. And if it's not better
tomorrow, it's better the day after that, or the day after that, but it DOES
turn around and become somewhere between pretty darn okay and awesome again.
It occurred to me during another slump of feeling sorry for myself
Monday night, that it's bothering me so much because it's just that: FEELING
sorry for myself.
Not eating half a pizza and a pint of ice cream to
"feel" better. (More like not feel at all!)
Not skipping workouts because
I'm "just not up to it today."
Not giving up on living healthier because it
"obviously can't make me happy."
I'm not looking to weight loss or
exercise or even pizza and ice cream to make me happy.
I'm working on
looking to mySELF to make me happy, and 90% of the time it's great, but
sometimes I get to looking at my feet, or to how so very far the "destination"
is from where I'm at now, and I trip over myself, take a wrong path, or just
generally get overwhelmed.
I can handle wearing down these scary walls with persistence, even
when it doesn't seem possible.
The occasional detour to sucksville will just
help me better appreciate the scenery when I'm in, well, NOT sucksville!
I can FEEL my feelings, instead of eating them, and be okay.
Everything is going to be okay