Thursday, February 2, 2012

Flying Spaghetti Monster Willing.

Excuse me,
*tap* *tap* *tap*

Perhaps you were not informed, but I had a major emotional breakthrough about seeing the number 200 on your screen for so long on Monday.

That was, like, almost THREE whole days ago.

So, now that you know, let's try this again.

Did you not hear what I just said?

You give me that damn 1 or I will hit you in your stupid face with a hammer!!!

Okay, okay, more flies with honey, eh?

I love you scale. I know I put you in that cupboard under the sink for 3 months one time and called you my frienemey, but if you give me that 1 I will upgrade your status to "friend" and stop swearing at you in the mornings...

Unfortunately figuring out what's been mentally and emotionally keeping me from a goal doesn't seem to have any major effect on the physical universe.

I can't honestly explain WHY, but I honestly expected, after my cathartic blog on Monday, for the universe to just adjust itself to reward me for the major breakthrough. I mean, how could it not? Right?

So when I stepped on that scale on Tuesday morning and saw 200.0 once again, I could have cried. I was THIS CLOSE to diving back into what I had JUST FINISHED complaining about. I actually caught myself at lunchtime saying "well if the stupid scale isn't going to move anyway, after such a perfect day yesterday, I might as well have a tortilla and some extra cheese instead of just heating my burrito leftovers in a bowl."


Because of ONE really good day?

Now THAT is crazy talk.

I will admit that I am a little irked that I still haven't seen a 1 after 3 really good days, and stupid thoughts like that still cross my mind, but I haven't given in to ANY of it.

But here's the big difference: I'm doing what I need to be doing. I'm working out, I'm drinking more water, I'm not skipping breakfasts, I'm getting to bed on time, all that good stuff.

So no, 3 days hasn't undone all the little bits of self-sabotage I've been subjecting myself to over the last several weeks (or months). But 4 days, or 5 days, or 27 days might.

It doesn't matter how many days it takes, that scale is going to move, and it's going to move because I worked for it, because I made goals and plans and stuck to them, or adjusted them in positive ways to make them work when life does its usual "throw-something-unexpected-in
-the-path" thing.

And it's probably still going to be scary.
That's okay too.

There was a spider in my shower this very morning, and after lecturing him that if he stayed in his corner and I stayed in mine we'd get along just fine, we did just that, and I lived to tell the tale.

I'll live to tell the tale of my adventures in ONEderland too, flying spaghetti monster willing

1 comment:

  1. all day long I have read your blog and I am so inspired! you make me feel so not alone in my journey to a healthy lifestyle and weight. Thank you so much from a fellow legume in Bulgaria.