Monday, July 11, 2011

Crying in My Chipotle Bol

Isn't it amazing how bad days tend to somehow snowball into worse and worse days, but then good days do the opposite?

Thursday was a bad day for me. I was experiencing a lot of self-doubt. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by how SLOW this whole process is. The whole universe seemed determined to keep me fat and make me fatter.

I ended the evening crying into my chipotle bol (as if those aren't salty enough!) and watching bad reality tv and generally feeling powerless against my fatness (but still managed to stick to my food and exercise plans!!!!!!)

It carried into my whole weekend. I ate well, but was frustrated by having to do so. I drank a lot of water, but I did it with a stubborn attitude.... I read a lot and generally hid in my apartment instead of going out into the world...

(that's a remote control; it just happens to resemble a spatula)

But today seems to be snowballing in the opposite direction (maybe it's a snowcone when that happens? Sounds so much more cheerful...)

I weighed in at my normal time (instead of an odd time like on Thursday) and even the scale had to admit I'm doing well.

I'm wearing a RIBBED TANK TOP with a CROPPED short sleeve cardigan and feel cute in it. With ribs. Ya, you read that right. The most unforgiving of all fabric textures and I feel good in it!

I wear my hair up all the time now, in public, and not just at the gym. And I wear ALL of it up, not just the back with a clever bang configuration to frame my face. It was just a couple months ago that I would NEVER have worn all my hair back in public because I thought my face and neck were too fat and it was unflattering.

I went to lunch with dear bf today and another woman who goes to my gym classes pretty regularly, but has been a little inconsistent the last month or so came into the same place and right away said that I've lost "a lot of weight" (as in those exact words!!) and was saying that she and her cousins (who come to the same classes) all noticed!!!

AND there's a new zumba class at my gym starting tonight!! So starting tonight I'm planning on double gym nights on Thursdays AND Mondays (which works out great as a bracket to the weekend, since my weekend work out track record is less than stellar)

So today it's worth it. It's turned around and once again I'm reminded that it's all worth it. It's worth a few days of feeling crummy, it's worth the self-doubt, it's worth all the effort it takes to make the right decisions in the face of those things.

Feeling better and stronger and healthier and better ABOUT MYSELF because of the choices I'm making and the effort I put in are usually worth it in themselves, but days like today really help!


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