It's really hard to adjust to a life where I can't just push aside all of my 'stuff' with food anymore.
It's not woth the consequences to eat my feelings, boredom, etc., but that doesn't mean that all the 'stuff' I have to deal with now instead of shoving down along with half a pizza or a pint of designer ice cream is suddenly easier because I've made that choice.
I'm sure there are some people who didn't gain a good understanding of proper nutrition growing up, just need to learn and form better habits and, whalah! Health!!!
But I'm sure for the vast majority of us that's simply not the case. We may not have known exactly HOW bad some of what we were eating was (ahhhh, Chipotle burritos.....), but we knew it wasn't good for us. We know exactly what we ate that made us fat.
Well now I'm starting to feel more and more what made me fat. All the 'stuff' is still there, and I can't stuff it down my face anymore, so what do I do?
My new 'drug,' I suppose, for dealing with all of the 'stuff' is exercise. If I go more than a day or two without a really good workout I get down, I feel crummy, I want to cry and sleep and just generally feel sorry for myself. I can't run yet, even though I really want to, because of my knees (and I did try!! And I will try again!!) so I can't exactly think of it like running away from all of my 'stuff' (which is a really nice mental image and I think part of why I'm so determined to be able to run eventually)
But on Mondays I kick and punch it into a pittiful mound in Turbo Kick.
On Tuesdays I smash it down with tons of squats and push-ups and the lifting of heavy weights in RIPPED.
On Thursdays I dance out of it's clutches in Zumba and then stay for sculpt class to build up some extra defences against it for the weekend.
I TRY to kick and punch it some more on Fridays or Saturdays, but I do NOT have a very good track record of sticking to my plans to do my Turbo DVD....
And it feels good! All that exercise keeps me on a pretty even keel. The endorphines keep me happier. I sleep better. I feel proud of myself. I can feel myself getting stronger and fitter. I can feel those muscles forming under my layers of jiggle.
But it's not REALLY a replacement for my food addiction. If my boss walked in right this minute and said something to stress me out, the old me could open up the snack drawer and start 'dealing' with it right away by stuffing my face.
I can't exactly get up and go walk around the block everytime something upsets me. I'd like to do that MORE when I can, but it's not as 'easy' as reaching for a snack.
So where does all the stuff go in between work outs?
How do so many fit and happy and healthy people carry it with them all the time?
Is it just a tolerance level issue? Will I just get more and more used to it until it seems less overwhelming?
Do they all just have more healthy coping mechanisms besides things like exercise and blogging that I just haven't come up with yet for myself?
I just realized this blog sounds kind of Debbie Downer, but I'm not actually feeling that way at all. I'm proud of myself for having 'stuff' and recognizing it as such and wondering how to work around it in a healthier way. I'm looking forward to figureing it out and, in some ways, excited about the challenge.
So picture all this typed with a slightly pensive smile