Thursday, June 23, 2011

Forks Are For Eating!!! (But not THAT kind)

Sometimes, I think Fate just can't help itself.

I'm simply too much of a temptress!!! Really, I can't blame it most of the time.

I've been whining to dear bf lately that I havent' had anything interesting to blog about. My days all go more or less the same...

(That's a stability ball, not a giant hemerrhoid. Thanks a lot J - same J as later in this blog, btw)

Follow that up with eat, bad reality tv, and sleeping, and you've pretty much got the summary of my day to day.

So finding the blogworthy isn't always easy!

So here is our actual text conversation about it while both of us avoided doing any actual work:

C: Work = Balls

L: Big ones!
I'm trolling the internet for funny blogs to help me feel funny so I can come up with something for mine. But now I just want a 5ft metal chicken named Beyonce!!
(Not part of the actual convo, but inspiration courtesy of

C: You could blog about how balls work is?

L: It's usualy a weight loss blog...

C: I know, but work is still balls : /

L: Work inspired a new one for my luluintvland blog (, but still drawing a blank for the one that a couple people actually READ.

C: Have you blogged about that bitchy lady that got mad at you for taking a yoga mat and called you out, then you kicked her ass at exercising?
That'd be a good one.

L: Of course!

C: How about the dangers of showing off your sweet exercise moves when you're [really drunk]? ( He didn't say 'really drunk,' but I hesitate to swear on here, and I'm already pushing my luck with how many times I said balls...)

So, an aside from the conversation, this is an excellent example of how I'm just way too tempting for Fate to ignore. My eldest brother recently turned 40 and so had a really big party this past Saturday, complete with keg and live band... Late in the evening (or very early in the morning) I was chatting with a few people asking how I've lost weight and saying I look like I've been exercising, so I ATTEMPTED to show them what a spider-man push-up is. Attempted being the key word. I am now covered in bruises and have no skin on my left elbow. Luckily after that much rum I was still pretty convinced I looked badass.

Unfortunately, this is not the first time that the influence of an adult beverage gave me the both liquid courage and an inflated sense of badassedness, causing me to demonstrate 'sweet exercise moves' and injur myself.

Not even the first time this month.

But back to today's act of temptressitude:

L: I might go there, but people might judge me...

C: How about how you manage to be cheerful, bitter, sarcastic person who's nice to strangers.
Until they get in your way or drive dumb.
You're so complex!

.... 15 minutes later:

L: How worried do you think I should be about swallowing a prong from a plastic fork?

C: *shakes head and walks away* (he actually texted me that, in my time of crisis!)

And then he ignored me. So, still being the same hypochondriac who was pretty convinced my ab muscles were the offspring of one of those face-suckers from Alien who was going to rip out of my chest at any moment and take over CA in an alien apocalypse, I was pretty convinced I'd die from it.


L: My plastic fork suddenly has only 3 prongs... I think I swallowed one...

J: F*$@.. Seriously???
Oh my god
I did however submit that text to

(you can always depend on your oldest friend to be supportive in a life-threatening situation)

L: Now I feel bad for judging [that girl from high school] when she swallowed a pin

J:What do you do now?
A pin is different than a fork prong

L: At least i can blame it hiding in the guacamole
And I have something to blog about now!

More convo about the blogging....

Time passes...

J: you'd be surprised how many people have articles online about swallowing fork tines

(See? she's a good friend, just VERY used to this kind of stuff happening to me over the last 15 years)

So while I'm dealing with a pretty persistant concern that the fork tine is going to rip out of my esophagus or puncture a lung or something, I'm also totally aware that I'm very dramatic, and am now putting fiber powder in the rest of my water for the day....

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