I'm having trouble giving myself permission to live in the real world this week!
I've been slowly adding more and more exercise time into my schedule, and I think I may be overtraining or at least holding myself to an unrealistic standard...
I found out over the last couple weeks with my new HRM that instead of the 3000 calories/ week that I've been estimating I burn, I actually burn over 8000 calories per week...
I've been working out for 2 hours on Mondays and Thursdays, burning over 2500 calories.
After seeing that number on my HRM a couple weeks in a row a 'measly' 1552 after RIPPED on Tuesday seemed disappointing, so I swam, HARD, for an additional 40 minutes. I wanted to swim for a full hour, but got some pretty serious cramps in my calves, so I stopped and chillaxed in the hot tub instead.
But I felt guilty all night. I know that's ridiculous, and I knew it was ridiculous at the time, but the feelings just wouldn't go away.
I could have used a pool buoy and done just arms.
I could have pushed through it (which I know isn't accurate, I did another 100m before I admitted to myself they weren't going to go away).
So yesterday I planned to swim after my regular class again, especially since the wednesday class is a sculpting class rather than a cardio class, so I was concerned with getting my 'burn'. Plus, I LOVE swimming and have enjoyed getting back in the pool more.
Well then I got an unexpected e-mail! I went into Best Buy on Sunday and bought a new stereo for my car, and an ipod touch to go with it (I'm luvlilulu on words with friends and it's my new favorite thing if anyone wants to play with me!!) because I'll be driving 2 hours or so to San Francisco and back 4 different times in the next 2 weeks, and have been wanting one for a while, so it seemed like good timing.
Unfortunately, they told me the 'harness' part for my car wouldn't be in until the 9th, so I wouldn't have it in time for this weekend. Well it came in yesterday!!! So I called up the car installation guy and explained I'm driving to SF and back both days this weekend, and is there ANY way he could squeeze me in. He said that today and tomorrow are super busy, but he could squeeze me in if I could be there in 15 minutes.
I could be there in 15 minutes no problem, but that meant that I wouldn't be at the gym in 30. I immediately felt super guilty and almost decided to wait until next week so I could go to the gym...
That's just silly! Missing one day of working out because I actually HAVE an excuse, and a good one I think, is totally acceptable!
I did go get my new stereo put in, and the guy was really nice and helpful and even set up the bluetooth on my phone for me and walked me through how to use all the functions and pop off the faceplate to hide it so people wont want to steal my fancy new stereo and everything.
And I am in SHOCK at how much better it sounds. I really wasn't expecting a difference in sound quality, because I didn't get new speakers, just the console part so I could control an ipod and have bluetooth for my phone, but I went ahead and got the nicest one in my price range that did that (and it was still about half as expensive as I'd budgeted for!). It claimed to do all this fancy stuff filling in the low end and high end of compressed audio tracks, but I didnt' think I'd notice a difference since I just have my factory speakers....
The lowest end of a bass track that I'd NEVER HEARD BEFORE in a song I've listened to a million times actually stressed me out this morning until I realized what it was on the drive in. I thought there was something wrong with my car!
But I still feel guilty about missing the gym. I woke up this morning berating myself that I should have swam after I got my car back, but that would have meant getting in the pool at 7, and having dinner who knows how late.
And I still can't quite shake it. I know that I HAD an excuse, I didn't make one, or give in to a lame one. There was a good reason not to go to the gym last night.
So why do I feel like such a slacker?
All the guilt actually had me tempted to have seconds and overeat at dinner for the first time in I can't even REMEMBER how long (not to worry, I didn't, but even having those feelings come back is upsetting)
I just re-read this blog and realized it sounds a bit debby downer, but I'm not actually bummed out AT ALL. It's not so much "oh wa, I have feelings, I'm so guilty, look at my necessary shame puddle," it's more like "hey, look at that weird emotion over there? Where would something like that come from? Mars you think?" Like if I pointed out one of those hideous blouses on the clearance rack that couldn't possibly look good on ANYONE and you wonder what the hell the designer was thinking. (I like to try those on when shopping with friends and pretend to LOVE it, to test how good a shopping partner they are... it's hilarious, feel free to steal the strategy).