Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Suck It Blobby McFlabface!

Even though I KNOW all of my clothes are fitting better, and my new clothes are smaller, that stupid voice in the back of my mind,( AKA Blobby McFlabface the negative talking chubberchaun who hides in my rolls and tries to expand his flab mansion) always comes up with ways to try and convince me I don't really look different.

You didn't get smaller than those pants, they stretched out.

Sure, that sweater is an L and buttons all the way, unlike the XXL in the same brand and style you bought a year ago (which obviously is only big on you now because it's old), but it's not actually smaller, they just changed their sizing.

Ya, you pulled all of the 14 jeans out of your drawer and found out they all fit now, but when you bought them you probably tried on 15 different pairs of 14's and then bought the biggest ones, and then stretched them out. You can't really wear a 14.

So what if you're wearing all of your bras on the smallest set of hooks now! Ya, I know that they were so tight on you in January that you used to unhook them after you got dressed and just let your camisole hold them in place because they hurt too bad to leave closed, but do you know how much they stretched since then? That one new bra you bought in the same size last week is a fluke, it was mislabeled, how else would it end up on the clearance rack in a nice brand and style?

You're a big fat fatty fat fat and you always will be and absolutely none of this immense effort you're putting in to change yourself will ever change that.

Stupid Blobby McFlabface!!!!
He can say whatever the hell he wants, I know he's wrong.

I know my clothes fit better.
I know people aren't liying when they say they can tell I've lost weight.
I know I'm two sizes smaller (4 if you count from 20 to 16 including odd numbers).
I know I'm only 1/5th of a pound from 30lbs lost and that there's no plausible way that that's just 'water weight' or some other stupid thing that pops in my head to undermine my efforts.
I know I am SO MUCH STRONGER than I was 6 months ago.
I know I sleep better.
I know I'm no longer dehydrated.
I know sometimes it's really hard to feel my feelings instead of eating them, and I also know it's better and I can get through it.

I KNOW that somehow, in some way I can't explain, this time is different. That scale is going to keep moving. I'm going to keep getting smaller than my clothes. I'm going to keep getting stronger and pushing myself harder and being able to do more and lift heavier and play longer. As frustrating as it is sometimes, in the grand scheme of things I'm GLAD it's going slow. I want as little excess skin as possible. I want to have time to slowly approach those numbers that put up big mental road blocks in my head instead of finding myself suddenly upon them.

I want to wear these pants properly by Christmas!

More importantly, I know I'm going to wear them soon, even if it takes a little longer than I'd like. And then I'll officially only have ONE smaller pair of my jeans in my 'someday they'll fit again' drawer.

And then I'll get to wear those!

And then I'll get to buy new pants in even smaller sizes!

And nothing is going to stop me!

So you can suck it Blobby McFlabface!

*edited for a typo.... And can I just give myself a shout out and a wee pat on the back for how awesome and shapely my butt and legs look in those pictures?!?! I had no idea! Now to just get the gut to catch up....

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